Continue reading »]]> The company I worked for discovered that several of our customers were able to view some of our premium channels that they were not paying for. As soon as the error was realized of course it was fixed and the calls started pouring in. Idiots galore began to call in complaining about the loss of these channels. This particular idiot truly shined in the glory of stupidity. He said we played a bate and switch. I tried to explained to him that we didn’t give the channels to anyone intentionally, it was a simple error that we fixed as soon as it was discovered. Our company is not in the business of giving away these channels for free. He responds with, “How dare you give me these channels free for almost a month so that I would get hooked on them. Now you take them away and want me to pay for them!” I state, “I am glad to hear you enjoyed watching these channels for free. If you liked them so much then what are you complaining about. Either pay for them like everyone else that wants them or sorry you cannot continue to have them for free.” He responds with, “Do I need to call the cops? Do I need to call the cops? What are you going to do to compensate me?!” This is amazing so I counter with, “You go right ahead and call the cops and explain to them how you want something for free and we won’t give it to you. You go right ahead and do that and see what happens. This conversation is over with and you have fun with that, bye, bye” and I hung up on him. I really hope he called the cops because I am sure they will not be so nice to him. We are so sorry that we let him have something for free for a while and he has nothing better to do than call and complain about it.

Continue reading »]]> A customer called me the other day complaining the phone is not working. Everything is working fine in our system and I ask the customer to check the telephone wire in the back of the modem. “What’s a phone cord?” I am thinking the customer is joking right. Noooooo, after explaining it does not screw on and the other one is the power cord, I let the customer know that the phone cord is missing. Took the customer several minutes to find the unplugged cord, plug it in and get a dial tone. To top it off, then the customer wanted to know what was wrong with our services and can a credit be given. It took a good ten minutes to get it through the person’s thick skull that the phone cord being unplugged was the problem, not our fault and no way are they getting a credit.

Continue reading »]]> The customer calls in because her internet is not working. I can see with our software that the modem is working and ask the customer if she has a router and she says yes. I asked her what brand the router is and she says Webstar. I let her know that this is not the router but the modem. The router would be hooked up to this. I had her follow the Ethernet cable and she finds a Linksys router. To solve the problem I asked her to unplug the power cord from the Linksys, wait 15 seconds and plug it back in. It takes her awhile and she says it is unplugged, waits about 15 seconds and plugs it back in. I ask her what the lights are doing now on the front of the router and she answers, “The cable light is flashing and PC light is flashing.” There is no cable light on the router, so I check the system and sure enough I cannot see the modem any longer. Apparently she some how went back to thinking the modem was the router even after we already established that the Webstar is the modem and the Linksys is the router. Can you say idiot brain dead moron.

Continue reading »]]> Guy calls in to get help with his cable. States that its broken and we need to get out to fix it. I ask him a few times about the remote he is using. He insisted it was the right one. So we go to his other tv to check it out. That one is broke to. So we do the customary troubleshooting and that turns out to be broke. So we go to the “big tv” Its big because it has HD. So we work with it trying to get it to change channels on the tv itself. So i tell him to Push channel up and down on the tv itself. The same tv that we needed the remote for. We got to the part we were changing the channels and we were able to do that. We get to channel 4 and hes on the wrong setting. We need cable not antenna. So I tell him to press the menu button. No menu comes up. He then states the remote is the wrong one. WTF took you 20 minutes to figure that out?!?!? he looked at the name on the remote and relized that it didnt match the name of the TV. SO we get the right one. He tired to fit AA batteries in a AAA remote. DUH! Holy shit if they dont fit then you would think they werent the right batteries for that remote. I sent out a tech to help him out after an hour of being on the phone.

Continue reading »]]> [I work for a cable internet and phone company.]

A customer calls in about an issue with not being able to pay her bill online. She has done this online before but forgot where to go. I gave her the web site where to go and she comes back to me all confused as to what I just gave her. Our web site is such that a 2nd grader could spell it. I had to slowly spell it out. Okay we finally got to the web site in 5 min. Yippie record time?

She insisted that she is already logged in so I tell her were to go. Ten min later we figure out she is not logged in. She couldn’t see the box that says LOGIN. Really not hard to miss since she was reading everything else on the screen to me and this is one of the biggest things (it’s 1/2 the width of the screen!). Somehow she was able to locate the very small, not so noticeable, log in link at the bottom. So, I have her click on that.

I was really puzzled that she needed to be prompted to go to the user name box then be told to type in her username (common sense ???) then to put the cursor in the password field, then again told to type in her password (what the???? you don’t know that you gotta type it in yourself???). After 5 min of her exclaming things and it sounded like she was getting it in there we figure out she can’t find the password and doesn’t remember it. I reset it. Again repeat everything.

She at this point finally says that she has no idea what she is doing. She isn’t clicking on the right thing. She is clicking on new user and not log in. I told her to click log in 3 times. AHHHHHHH!?!?! I told her to get help from someone that is familiar with websites and how to log into them and ended the call.

[End Rant]

Continue reading »]]> [I work for an ISP that also provides phone service over the internet through the same modem used for the customer’s internet access. The modem has a back up battery in case of power outage you will still have phone service for a few hours. The call went like this:]

Me: Thank you for calling ******* how may I help you?

Caller: My phone is not working. This happens every morning and I am getting sick of it!

Me: I am sorry to hear you are having problems with your phone. I will be happy to help you. (I confirm who she is, her address etc)

Me: You say that it happens every morning, is it always around this same time?

Caller: Yes, every morning for the last 3 years I have to wait for my phone to start working in the morning. I pay all this money and get crappy service. I want a tech out here to fix this right away or I will have to change phone providers. This is getting old. (Why the hell has she not called before?)

Me: So I can figure out what type of tech to have come out to the house I need some more information. Does it ever go out at any other time?

Caller: Yes, a lot of times it quits working about four or five hours after we go to bed at night and then it doesn’t start working until sometime during the day. I really think I need a tech out here.

Me: Wait a minute. Is there something you do every night as part of your routine that involves the phone or internet?

Caller: Well, every night all I do is turn off my computer and go to bed.

Me: How do you turn off the computer? Do you use a wall switch, a surge protector or just shut it down?

Caller: I shut it off with the power strip. What does this have to do with the phone? Does the computer have to be on for the phone to work? No one told me that.

Me: No, the computer does not have to be on for the phone to work, however is the cable modem plugged into the same power strip as the computer?

Caller: Yes, what does that have to do with anything? You are not being very helpful. I need a tech out here to fix this, not a bunch of questions!

Me: The problem is that when you are turning off the power strip you are taking power away from the modem. Your phone service goes through that modem and there is a battery backup for the phone part that only lasts about 4 hours. That is why your phone quits working at night and doesn’t start working until later in the day after you have turned on your computer.

Caller: Huh? I don’t understand what you mean.

It took me a few minutes to help her understand what she was doing to cause the problem. At least I think she finally understood. I am still not sure she completely got it.

Continue reading »]]> [I work for a company that provides Phone, Internet and Cable service, and get calls like the following almost daily.]

Me: Thank you for calling *******, my name is ********, how may I help you today?

Caller: I cannot get on the internet.

Me: I am sorry to you are unable to get on the internet. What happens when you try to get onto the internet?

Caller: I startup the internet and everything looks normal at first and then a blue screen comes up with a bunch of white writing on it. It says something about a fatal exception.

Me: The entire screen goes blue after you turn on the computer and see the Windows logo?

Caller: Yep, it looks like you guys got to get over here and fix this.

Me: Sir, I hate to say this but the problem is with your computer. The screen you are describing is called a “Blue Screen of Death”. It comes up if there is something wrong with the Windows operating system. You will need to take your computer to a specialist or call your computer manufacturer for help with this issue, I can provide their number for you.

Caller: But I cannot get on the internet. Are you saying you are not going to help me?

Me: I’m unable to help resolve such an issue, and there is nothing any of our techs can do for the issue you are having. This is not a problem with the internet. Our services are working. If you were to hook up another computer it would be able to access the internet. Your computer is not booting up all the way, so your computer is not working and that is what is stopping you from getting on the internet. You will need to call your computer manufacturer.

Caller: So you are not going to help me get online?

Me: Again, sir, you need a PC repair person to help you with a computer issue, not your internet service provider… (he cuts me off)

Caller: You’re not going to help me. What do I pay you guys for?

Me: You pay ******* for your access to the internet, not your computer or the upkeep or repair of your computer. Our services are working. It is your computer that is not working… (he cuts me off, again)

Caller: Well, I cannot access the internet so you have to help me.

Me: Sir, I’m not sure how to explain this any clearer. Your computer is the problem. The error you are seeing is coming from the Windows operating system that controls your computer, letting you know that there is a problem with your computer. The error has nothing to do with the internet, or *******’s services. You will need to contact your computer manufacturer or a computer repair specialist to resolve the issue. We do not repair computers, we only provide the means for your computer to reach the internet through our services. No internet provider would be able to resolve this issue for you.

Caller: I don’t know what I have been paying you for if you are not going to help me. I will just call (competitor’s name). I will switch to them and I am sure they will help me. I will call back to cancel later. (He disconnected the call.)

Truly amazing how many people think the internet is their computer. Some people should not own a computer.

Continue reading »]]> [I troubleshoot internet issues for an ISP.]
Today I got a customer that called in stating she cannot get on the internet. I asked her if she gets an error message when she tries to get on a web-site. She said she does not get an error message and her computer will not even turn on. I advised her that this is not an internet service problem, the problem is with her computer. Her response is that it was working fine yesterday and she asked why the internet is not working today. I tried my best to help her understand that a computer does not require internet service to turn on, but she hung up on me out of frustration.

Continue reading »]]> Everyone has different levels of understanding for computers but sometimes people make me wonder how they breathe, much less use their computer. I troubleshoot computer issues for a major PC manufacturer. I once asked a customer to press the power button located on the front of her PC tower and she responded with, “Don’t you get technical with me!” OK?