One-Eyed Fat Man

A-Train — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 09:14:11 +0000

I used to work at a discount clothing store that was notorious for attracting a less than savory demographic. We were the first store in the franchise to be in a shopping mall, and like most department stores in malls, we had two entrances; one on the outside of the building and another that went to the area where the rest of the stores were. Midway through the day, this fat bastard with an eye-patch walked in through the mall entrance with his disgusting wife. As far as I could tell she was a mute, most likely caused by too many beatings with an ugly stick.
Eventually she found a crappy glass statue of a dolphin in our home décor department, and her husband decided to treat her to an anniversary gift by paying for it. After waddling his ass to the outside entrance, he tracks me down to the center of the store, and with arrogant tone asked, “Why ain’t there registers at the outside doors?”
In an attempt to cheer them up, I jokingly responded, “Because we were gonna take care of that issue today, but I left my blueprints for the new registers on the kitchen table when I left this morning.” Needless to say, they weren’t amused, but given that I was the store’s most experienced associate and the fact that my boss was pretty cool about it, if a customer verbally pushed me, I usually could get away with pushing back.
“I ain’t walking all the way to the back of the store to pay!” the man exclaimed as he drooled on his greasy undershirt.
“Well, what would you like me to do to solve this problem?” I chuckled, “Carry you? You’re at the center of the store. I’m no mathematician, but I think it’d be just as easy to walk up and pay as it would to walk out.”
He took a moment for that to process. “What are you an idiot or something? I gots ‘ta go all the way up there, pay, and then walk all the way back to the other door!”
I smiled. “I realize that, sir. But I assumed you weren’t parked out there since you came in through the mall entrance.”
“Know what?! …HERE!” The one-eyed man grabbed the dolphin from his wife and shoved it into my hands. “I’m handicapped! I don’t need this!” He stormed back to the mall entrance with his silent wife following behind.
“I didn’t know being an asshole was a handicap,” I responded. They were only a short distance away and heard me.
“What did you say?!” They stopped and sneered back at me.
I just smiled and waved. “I said have a nice day!” Meanwhile, my boss was watching the whole thing from a few feet behind me, silently laughing his ass off. Sometimes retail can be a lot of fun.

Moron With Coupon

A-Train — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 17:56:34 +0000

[I work in a shopping center where there are multiple stores, an arts and crafts store, a hardware store, and a sporting goods store(where I work).]

Today a man came into our sporting goods store and asked me if we would accept his coupon (for 40% off bouquets at the crafts store) I explained to him that, no, we would not, because his coupon was for 40% off bouquets at the crafts store…”oh” he says, then his next question is to ask me where our rakes and trashcans are, I respond, “Sir, you must be thinking of the hardware store next door…we are a sporting goods store…” He responds…”oh”…and then walks out. The saddest part of this story was that he was probably the politest and least idiotic customer I had all day…

Idiot Customers » Sales Associate

One-Eyed Fat Man

Moron With Coupon