Continue reading »]]> The other night, I was working overtime and was in the last hour of a 13 hour day. Things had slowed down so I was thinking “hey I may be able to relax and have a nice drive home tonight.”

Just then I heard a diesel engine and then this Dodge Ram pickup with duel rear wheels pulls up. This Russian guy jumps out and starts talking to me about his tires. After a minute I figured out that he wanted me to rotate his rear tires because he had uneven treadwear. I had to explain to him several times that we’d rotate the tires and check the air pressures because that could be the source of most of his problems.

I figured this would not be as difficult as having to do a full rotate and balance on all 6 wheels, I told him that it would be about 45 mins. He then told me that he had a Blow-and-Go (which is a breathalyzer that you have to pass before you can start the vehicle). That’s when I thought “crap, I’m not going home anytime soon.” Anytime some dumbass comes in with those things, they take off in the store and we can’t find them to start their f@#*ing car.

I pulled the vehicle in and got it lifted and started pulling off the rear wheels, and then the inner wheels wouldn’t come off. The hubs had rusted to the point where the steel wheels fused to the hubs. Half an hour later and a crap load of pounding with a sledge hammer, they came off and I figured ” hey now I can finish up and get this jerk out of here. Nope, wasn’t going to happen.

The guy came out and asked me if he should get his front tires rebalanced to eliminate vibration. I told him that it would probably take care of it, so he decides right then that he wants his front tires balanced. F#*& me, now you want me to mess with the front tires, and I have to track down the UPC to add an additional service to the work order. Luckily my supervisor came back so he helped me with the balancing.

I finally get the truck back together and guess what, the ass f$*& who had been standing over me while I work has now disappeared, right when we need his stupid ass to start the f@#*ing thing. He finally shows up, we get it started and I do the final torque. I see the end in sight and then the damn hubcaps won’t go back on. I get fed up with them and go to find someone to take over and then my lovely coworkers close all the doors and lock the customer entrance while I was still out there. After banging on the door an nearly going on a rampage, I finally got out 40 minutes after I was supposed to leave.

Continue reading »]]> An old guy came in today and wanted 4 new tires. He handed me a quote that he got the day before for 17 inch tires. I looked and his door and guess what, HE HAS 18 INCH RIMS. After explaining to him that while he was quoted for 17 inch tires I could not install said tires on rims that were bigger. To make things even more annoying, he had an odd ball tire size so we didn’t have the damn things to begin with. He asked me if we can get some in and I told him we don’t stock that size and that he’d have to go onto the website and order them.  He seemed puzzled by this concept so he asks me if I could go online for him. I told him that because he had to enter his personal information and his credit card that we could not do it on the store’s network terminal, (and I just didn’t want him crashing our outdated browser). He asked for the tech that gave him the quote and when I found the tech and was asking him about the tire quote, the old coot then goes to the moron at the from desk and begins asking about the same crap I’m trying to figure out for him. So now I have a dumbass asking me the same questions over and over again and a dips@*t coworker telling him the same information I just gave. Turns out that the old fart didn’t have a clue what his tire size was so the tech had to search for the tire size by the information of the vehicle. He had larger wheels installed as a dealer option so the vehicle’s info didn’t do crap. I hope that this bumbling idiot finds what he needs before I whack him with a 17 inch tire.

Continue reading »]]> This guy slams a box on the customer service counter and starts screaming at me. He says the damn thing doesn’t work and there are holes in his roof because of us. The guy then said if it rains we will be paying for the repairs to his house. He ranted for some time, repeating over and over again, that there are holes in his roof. Apparently he had bought a satellite system, went home, installed it on his roof and then proceeded to uninstall it claiming it doesn’t work. After listening to the jerk go on forever about how we supposedly sold him defective merchandise, he finally stopped screaming long enough for me to speak. I asked, “Did you call to sign up for services?” He responded, “What do you mean sign up for services?” I proceeded to take a very large piece of paper out of the box he brought with him. Across the top in big red letters it says, “Before installation please call to activate services at 1-800-….” I pointed to the words. He looked at it in dead silence, picked up his box and walked back out the door. Secretly I was wishing it would rain.

Continue reading »]]> [I work for a cable company]
Caller: I am tired of you people showing the same shit all the time. I am going to have to change companies if you do not do anything about it.
Me: (Cable Company) does not choose the programming. That is decided by the networks.
Caller: Well, if you don’t do something to change what is on then I will just have to go elsewhere. (Cable Channel) shows the same shows over and over again. Do I have to go to (Other cable company name)?
Me: Miss, the same shows are on the channel no matter what cable company you have. What is on (Cable Channel) with us is the same shows that are on (Cable Channel) if you had (Other cable company).
Caller: Obviously you are not taking me serious. I will have to call (Other Cable Company) and sign up with them so I can watch something new for a change.
Me: Even if you get service through them it will be the same exact programming.
Caller: I don’t think so, I had them years ago and they had better programming! (Click)

Continue reading »]]> [I work for an economy auto shop.]

My shop keeps getting morons who spend a shitload of money for european cars. They seem very suprised when we tell them that we don’t carry the filters that they need, nor the special tires that they require, or the tools needed to fix a damn thing for their overpriced codpiece, and that they have to go to the dealer for every little thing. If you’re going to be a cheap shit and bring your car to our economy shop, get a Toyota. If you buy a BMW or an Audi, you better expect to pay out your ass.

Continue reading »]]> Customer: (Walks up with a CD player with headphones still plugged into it and chucks it onto the counter). You sold me a faulty CD player and ruined my sons’ birthday. This was his big gift and you ruined it for him!
Me: I am sorry, what is wrong with the CD player?

Customer: (Picks up the CD player and pushes play) See, it makes a funny sound and doesn’t play the disc.

Me: (I take the CD player from her, pushed stop, opened it, and took out the CD. In the CD player is a round piece of paper that says in large red ink, “Remove before using. This is not a disc and is only for use during shipping.” I removed the paper, placed the CD back in, pushed play and sure enough music starts playing.)  I say to her: “It isn’t defective it just didn’t have this removed before using it.”

Customer: Well! (She grabbed the CD player out of my hand and storms out of the store.)

Not sure how her son or her could possibly miss that insert?!

Continue reading »]]> Customer: I want to return this camcorder. Here is my receipt.

Me: Alright, but since it has been opened there will be a 10% restocking fee to return it.

Customer: That is bullshit! I bought that to record my wedding and it didn’t work, so if anything you owe me money for selling me a defective camcorder!

Me: If it is defective our policy is that we can exchange it for another camcorder but we cannot do a return unless you pay the 10% restocking fee.

Customer: I want your manager! This is bullshit! You ruin my chances of having my wedding taped and you are going to charge me to return the camcorder! Get me your manager.

Me: I will get the manager and will be right back.

My manager comes over, speaks to the customer and eventually gives in and takes back the camcorder without the re-stocking fee. Now that it is considered defective it has to be checked by a store tech before it goes back to the manufacturer. When the store tech went to check it later guess what he found? The woman’s wedding tape still in the fully functioning camcorder! She never came back in looking for her precious tape.