Continue reading »]]> The customer calls in because her internet is not working. I can see with our software that the modem is working and ask the customer if she has a router and she says yes. I asked her what brand the router is and she says Webstar. I let her know that this is not the router but the modem. The router would be hooked up to this. I had her follow the Ethernet cable and she finds a Linksys router. To solve the problem I asked her to unplug the power cord from the Linksys, wait 15 seconds and plug it back in. It takes her awhile and she says it is unplugged, waits about 15 seconds and plugs it back in. I ask her what the lights are doing now on the front of the router and she answers, “The cable light is flashing and PC light is flashing.” There is no cable light on the router, so I check the system and sure enough I cannot see the modem any longer. Apparently she some how went back to thinking the modem was the router even after we already established that the Webstar is the modem and the Linksys is the router. Can you say idiot brain dead moron.

Continue reading »]]> Caller: I want to know why I do not get channels “a, b, and c” anymore.

Me: I am sorry you are not receiving channels “a,b, and c” anymore but you are not signed up for them and have never been signed up to get those channels. You must have been receiving them in error. If you would like to get these…(cuts me off)

Caller: So, you take away some channels and still are charging me the same price. This is ridiculous. Are you going to lower my price since you took away some of my channels.

Me: Sir, the channels that you are not getting you were not suppose to have had in the first place. You were never paying for them and were not suppose to be getting them. We did not take away any channels, you are no longer getting channels that you were not suppose to have to begin with because you were never paying for them.

Caller: He says something indiscernible and hangs up.

Continue reading »]]> [I work for a company that provides Phone, Internet and Cable service, and get calls like the following almost daily.]

Me: Thank you for calling *******, my name is ********, how may I help you today?

Caller: I cannot get on the internet.

Me: I am sorry to you are unable to get on the internet. What happens when you try to get onto the internet?

Caller: I startup the internet and everything looks normal at first and then a blue screen comes up with a bunch of white writing on it. It says something about a fatal exception.

Me: The entire screen goes blue after you turn on the computer and see the Windows logo?

Caller: Yep, it looks like you guys got to get over here and fix this.

Me: Sir, I hate to say this but the problem is with your computer. The screen you are describing is called a “Blue Screen of Death”. It comes up if there is something wrong with the Windows operating system. You will need to take your computer to a specialist or call your computer manufacturer for help with this issue, I can provide their number for you.

Caller: But I cannot get on the internet. Are you saying you are not going to help me?

Me: I’m unable to help resolve such an issue, and there is nothing any of our techs can do for the issue you are having. This is not a problem with the internet. Our services are working. If you were to hook up another computer it would be able to access the internet. Your computer is not booting up all the way, so your computer is not working and that is what is stopping you from getting on the internet. You will need to call your computer manufacturer.

Caller: So you are not going to help me get online?

Me: Again, sir, you need a PC repair person to help you with a computer issue, not your internet service provider… (he cuts me off)

Caller: You’re not going to help me. What do I pay you guys for?

Me: You pay ******* for your access to the internet, not your computer or the upkeep or repair of your computer. Our services are working. It is your computer that is not working… (he cuts me off, again)

Caller: Well, I cannot access the internet so you have to help me.

Me: Sir, I’m not sure how to explain this any clearer. Your computer is the problem. The error you are seeing is coming from the Windows operating system that controls your computer, letting you know that there is a problem with your computer. The error has nothing to do with the internet, or *******’s services. You will need to contact your computer manufacturer or a computer repair specialist to resolve the issue. We do not repair computers, we only provide the means for your computer to reach the internet through our services. No internet provider would be able to resolve this issue for you.

Caller: I don’t know what I have been paying you for if you are not going to help me. I will just call (competitor’s name). I will switch to them and I am sure they will help me. I will call back to cancel later. (He disconnected the call.)

Truly amazing how many people think the internet is their computer. Some people should not own a computer.

Continue reading »]]> [In some states, phone company customers are allocated 1 or 2 free directory assistance calls per billing cycle.]

I received a directory assistance call from an idiot asking if he had used his free call for the month yet. I explained that we dont have access to his billing but since he was on the phone, I would be willing to look up a number for him. He said no, he just wanted to find out if he had used his free call. Well idiot, if you hadn’t before, you have now!

Continue reading »]]> Everyone has different levels of understanding for computers but sometimes people make me wonder how they breathe, much less use their computer. I troubleshoot computer issues for a major PC manufacturer. I once asked a customer to press the power button located on the front of her PC tower and she responded with, “Don’t you get technical with me!” OK?

Continue reading »]]> [I work for a credit card company in customer care taking escalated calls.]

Calling this guy an idiot is being nice. I’ll give you the short version. Some general facts about his credit card before we get started:

1. Balance was $17,300+
2. Minimum payment due about $519
3. NOT a business card and expressly in the terms of the card agreement it is for personal use only.

When he gets transferred to me he is screaming that we are stopping him from using his credit card and costing him money. I state that I am sorry for any inconvenience but we had not received his last payment, his billing cycle closed last night and he cannot use the card until the past due payment is made of $519. I would be happy to take a free payment by phone and activate the card right away.

He says that he will call in later to do the payment, it is only $519, and he needs to use the card now or he is going to lose thousands of dollars by not being able to purchase (withheld) for his business. I repeat his only option is to make the past due payment and he snaps back with how would I like it if he cost me thousands of dollars over only $519. The argument continues for about a half hour with him making up reasons he didn’t pay that contradicted each other and reasons the bank is wrong in doing this to him.

I was fed up with him at this point. He was using foul language, intermittently, directed towards me and the bank. I finally asked if I could ask him a question. He said yes. I asked if I could barrow $17,000 from him and miss my first payment and then barrow some more from him without even making a payment on the original balance. Dead silence for a few seconds and then I got a “Fuck you!” and he hung up.

Victory is mine!

Continue reading »]]> [One of my co-workers sitting next to me in our credit card call center, has an obvious southern accent and got a racist ignoramus on the phone. I have to let you know my co-worker was fresh to the phones from training, so didn’t know the systems real well yet. We will call her Mary for this story, but that is not her real name.]

The call started off bad. After asking the customer for her name the customer stated it is “Doctor” so in so, with an emphasis on the word doctor. The “Doctor” was calling with questions about some of the transactions on her credit card. It was taking a long time for Mary to find some of the answers and she once said Miss instead of Doctor when referring to the customer and the idiot woman snaps to correct her in a mean tone. This just increased how nervous Mary was.

The system the bank uses to track transactions are hard to read if you are not use to them yet, so eventually Mary ran into a transaction were it was not clear as to what kind of charge it was and what company charged it. Since I was not on a call Mary asked the customer if she could put her on hold to get more information about the transaction. Instead of using actual hold she simply put the customer on mute and asked me to take a look at the transaction with her.

Suddenly out of nowhere we hear this “Doctor” say to someone in the background, “I have one of those stupid niggers on the line.” Right away Mary takes the customer off of hold and proceeds to chew out this woman while constantly referring to her as Miss instead of doctor, just to get her goat, and told her to call back when she decides to grow up and live in the 90s.

Shows that being “educated” means absolutely nothing!

[Note from Idiot Customers' Staff: Normally, we do not allow racist terms to be used on the site.  However, in this case, we feel that removing the term would lower the impact of the story.]

Continue reading »]]> [As you read this, keep in mind that we are calling business owners with an existing business credit card, carrying a balance and are offering to lower the rate on the existing balance and with their permission change them from a Visa to a Mastercard to achieve this.]

Marketer:  Hello, my name is ——-  —— calling on behalf of (Bank’s Name) may I please speak with Mr. ——–  the owner of the company?  This is regarding his credit card account with us.

Customer:  This is him.

Marketer:  Hello, Mr. ——–, the reason I am calling today is because you are a valued customer of (Bank’s Name) we have decided to give you an opportunity to upgrade to platinum status, lower your interest rate and begin earning rewards points for everyday use of your (Bank’s Name) card.  All I would need is your permission…

Customer:  I am not interested.

Marketer:  I understand you may be hesitant about this offer but the new lower rate would apply to…

Customer:  I am not interested.

Marketer:  Mr.  —— may I ask why you are not interested in…

Customer:  I am not interested because the rate on your card is too high.  I am thinking of canceling the account so I am not going to buy anything.

Marketer:  We are not selling you anything.  (Bank’s Name) is offering to lower the interest rate on your existing card and balance and change your card to a Rewards Platinum…

Customer:  I said I am not interested.  What part of that do you not understand?  Your interest rate is too high!  I am not interested.  (Click)

And he owns a business, no wonder the economy is in the condition it’s in!

Continue reading »]]> [I monitor calls for a telemarketing company.  I could not believe this inbound call.  The rep really kept her cool.]

Customer:  I want you to quit calling my house.  Remove me from your do not call list!

Rep:  I am sorry you have been bothered by our calling you.  I would be happy to add your phone number to our do not call list.  What is your phone number please?

Customer:  I am not giving you my phone number.  I said I wanted you to remove my number from your do not call list.  I do not want you calling me.

Rep:  I understand you do not wish to be called.  In order to know what phone number you do not wish us to call I would need you to tell me that phone number.  This way I can have the number added to the do not call list.  This would prevent (company name) from calling you with any future offers.  With this in mind may I please have the phone number that you would like to have blocked.

Customer:  I told you I don’t want you to call me anymore!  I am not giving you my phone number! (Getting louder)  I told you to remove me from your do not call list and stop calling me!  I will sue you if you do not stop calling!

Rep:  I understand you wish to have (company name) stop calling you.  The only way I can stop future marketing calls is if you provide me with the phone number you would like me to have added to the do not call list. Please, may I have your phone number?

Customer:  Will you stop rebuttaling me!  Do you hear me?!  Do you hear me?!  Don’t call me again or I will sue you!

(Caller hung up, slamming the phone down very hard.  I hope he broke it! Also note that he kept asking to be removed from the do not call list… idiot!)

Continue reading »]]> Me: I’m sorry there is a problem with your bill. What is the problem please?
Caller: I sent you a payment for $150 on January 24th. You should have it by now and you are still showing me past due and are threatening to shut off my services! Why are you not posting my payments?!
Me: We did receive your payment of $150 on February 1st but the bill you have had already been sent out on January 22nd, so that is why it is not reflecting your payment. Your account is current and…
Caller interrupts yelling: Then why are you threatening to shut off my services. That is no way to treat a customer!
Me: Once again the bill was sent out before you even sent out your payment to us, so at the time it was sent, the account was 35 days past due. I am sorry for any confusion this may have caused you, but you were past due when the bill was sent.
Caller: Well your company better get its’ @!*-$ together and quit making mistakes like this!
Me: There was no mistake. When we sent the bill to you, you had not even sent the payment so the bill was accurate at the time we sent it. We would have no idea you would send us a payment 2 days later. You said you sent the payment on January 24th right?
Caller: Yes!
Me: If you look at the date on the bill it was sent out on January 22nd, two days before you even sent us the check. This is why it says you are past due. Understand?
Caller: But you said that you got my payment on February 1st and I just got the bill today. (Note: It is February 4th) Why don’t you show the payment on here? You are not making any sense. I want to speak with your supervisor!
Me: I am sorry for any confusion. I will get a supervisor on the line for you. Can you please hold?
Caller: Yes!