Idiot Customers

I Want My Premium Channels Back!

Mr. Midori — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 00:35:46 +0000

The company I worked for discovered that several of our customers were able to view some of our premium channels that they were not paying for. As soon as the error was realized of course it was fixed and the calls started pouring in. Idiots galore began to call in complaining about the loss of these channels. This particular idiot truly shined in the glory of stupidity. He said we played a bate and switch. I tried to explained to him that we didn’t give the channels to anyone intentionally, it was a simple error that we fixed as soon as it was discovered. Our company is not in the business of giving away these channels for free. He responds with, “How dare you give me these channels free for almost a month so that I would get hooked on them. Now you take them away and want me to pay for them!” I state, “I am glad to hear you enjoyed watching these channels for free. If you liked them so much then what are you complaining about. Either pay for them like everyone else that wants them or sorry you cannot continue to have them for free.” He responds with, “Do I need to call the cops? Do I need to call the cops? What are you going to do to compensate me?!” This is amazing so I counter with, “You go right ahead and call the cops and explain to them how you want something for free and we won’t give it to you. You go right ahead and do that and see what happens. This conversation is over with and you have fun with that, bye, bye” and I hung up on him. I really hope he called the cops because I am sure they will not be so nice to him. We are so sorry that we let him have something for free for a while and he has nothing better to do than call and complain about it.

What’s a phone cord?

Mr. Midori — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 04:00:21 +0000

A customer called me the other day complaining the phone is not working. Everything is working fine in our system and I ask the customer to check the telephone wire in the back of the modem. “What’s a phone cord?” I am thinking the customer is joking right. Noooooo, after explaining it does not screw on and the other one is the power cord, I let the customer know that the phone cord is missing. Took the customer several minutes to find the unplugged cord, plug it in and get a dial tone. To top it off, then the customer wanted to know what was wrong with our services and can a credit be given. It took a good ten minutes to get it through the person’s thick skull that the phone cord being unplugged was the problem, not our fault and no way are they getting a credit.

How do you spell Linksys? W-e-b-s-t-a-r?

Mr. Midori — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 13:45:36 +0000

The customer calls in because her internet is not working. I can see with our software that the modem is working and ask the customer if she has a router and she says yes. I asked her what brand the router is and she says Webstar. I let her know that this is not the router but the modem. The router would be hooked up to this. I had her follow the Ethernet cable and she finds a Linksys router. To solve the problem I asked her to unplug the power cord from the Linksys, wait 15 seconds and plug it back in. It takes her awhile and she says it is unplugged, waits about 15 seconds and plugs it back in. I ask her what the lights are doing now on the front of the router and she answers, “The cable light is flashing and PC light is flashing.” There is no cable light on the router, so I check the system and sure enough I cannot see the modem any longer. Apparently she some how went back to thinking the modem was the router even after we already established that the Webstar is the modem and the Linksys is the router. Can you say idiot brain dead moron.

They all look the same!

Mr. Midori — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:11:05 +0000

Guy calls in to get help with his cable. States that its broken and we need to get out to fix it. I ask him a few times about the remote he is using. He insisted it was the right one. So we go to his other tv to check it out. That one is broke to. So we do the customary troubleshooting and that turns out to be broke. So we go to the “big tv” Its big because it has HD. So we work with it trying to get it to change channels on the tv itself. So i tell him to Push channel up and down on the tv itself. The same tv that we needed the remote for. We got to the part we were changing the channels and we were able to do that. We get to channel 4 and hes on the wrong setting. We need cable not antenna. So I tell him to press the menu button. No menu comes up. He then states the remote is the wrong one. WTF took you 20 minutes to figure that out?!?!? he looked at the name on the remote and relized that it didnt match the name of the TV. SO we get the right one. He tired to fit AA batteries in a AAA remote. DUH! Holy shit if they dont fit then you would think they werent the right batteries for that remote. I sent out a tech to help him out after an hour of being on the phone.

I want my channels back!

Mr. Midori — Fri, 21 May 2010 17:08:15 +0000

Caller: I want to know why I do not get channels “a, b, and c” anymore.

Me: I am sorry you are not receiving channels “a,b, and c” anymore but you are not signed up for them and have never been signed up to get those channels. You must have been receiving them in error. If you would like to get these…(cuts me off)

Caller: So, you take away some channels and still are charging me the same price. This is ridiculous. Are you going to lower my price since you took away some of my channels.

Me: Sir, the channels that you are not getting you were not suppose to have had in the first place. You were never paying for them and were not suppose to be getting them. We did not take away any channels, you are no longer getting channels that you were not suppose to have to begin with because you were never paying for them.

Caller: He says something indiscernible and hangs up.

3 Strikes

Mr. Midori — Tue, 18 May 2010 05:34:56 +0000

I was at Walgreens the other day and the lady in front of me was a true Idiot customer. She gets up to the counter and asks for her prescriptions. The pharmacy employee starts hunting up the prescriptions and is having a hard time finding one. After a few minutes of the employee looking all over for this prescription another pharmacy worker asks her what she is looking for. Come to find out it was a medicine that goes in the refrigerator. The idiot customer says, “Oh, yeah they always keep it in the refrigerator. I have to keep it in there at home too.” Strike 1, idiot. Why didn’t she say something? The employee was looking all over right in front of her and there is no refrigerator there. Finally, all of the idiot’s prescriptions have been found. Now the customer proceeds to start hunting for her check book in her oversized purse. After around 5 minutes she finds her check book and fills out the check. Couldn’t have had the checkbook found and written, except for the amount, while she was waiting for her prescriptions? Strike 2, idiot. Strike 3, the idiot had to hunt for her ID because it was a temporary check and that took her another 2-3 minutes longer. Then she had to check the amount and where she was about three or four times. Why is it that people don’t get their crap ready while they’re waiting in line?! Wait, they’re idiots!

Theater Idiots

Mr. Midori — Fri, 14 May 2010 18:28:50 +0000

[When I was a teenager I worked for a movie theater as a projectionist.]
One late Saturday night, with packed theaters, we suddenly could smell a strange odor that was getting stronger by the minute. Since we could not identify it we called the fire department. They said to evacuate the theaters immediately, don’t turn on any light switches and be careful to not cause any sparks because it is probably natural gas.

I turn off the sound to the first theater and announce to the crowd that there is an emergency and they need to exit the theater in an orderly fashion right away. I had to yell several times to get them out of their seats. It was the same story in every theater. No sound but yet you couldn’t tear them away from the movie yelling there is an emergency! Not just a few people. Each theater held about 300 customers! Yes, so many idiots, in one location, at the same time with no clue.

The fire department did show up and sure enough it was a natural gas leak in the store next to the theater and was at very dangerous levels by the time they arrived. Too bad, it could have been a lot of dead idiots.

Apparently, we DO control transmission!

Mr. Midori — Thu, 06 May 2010 02:04:09 +0000

[I work for a cable company]
Caller: I am tired of you people showing the same shit all the time. I am going to have to change companies if you do not do anything about it.
Me: (Cable Company) does not choose the programming. That is decided by the networks.
Caller: Well, if you don’t do something to change what is on then I will just have to go elsewhere. (Cable Channel) shows the same shows over and over again. Do I have to go to (Other cable company name)?
Me: Miss, the same shows are on the channel no matter what cable company you have. What is on (Cable Channel) with us is the same shows that are on (Cable Channel) if you had (Other cable company).
Caller: Obviously you are not taking me serious. I will have to call (Other Cable Company) and sign up with them so I can watch something new for a change.
Me: Even if you get service through them it will be the same exact programming.
Caller: I don’t think so, I had them years ago and they had better programming! (Click)

It Is So Hard To Login!

Mr. Midori — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 05:57:00 +0000

[I work for a cable internet and phone company.]

A customer calls in about an issue with not being able to pay her bill online. She has done this online before but forgot where to go. I gave her the web site where to go and she comes back to me all confused as to what I just gave her. Our web site is such that a 2nd grader could spell it. I had to slowly spell it out. Okay we finally got to the web site in 5 min. Wow record time?

She insisted that she is already logged in so I tell her were to go. Ten min later we figure out she is not logged in. She couldn’t see the box that says LOG IN. Really not hard to miss since she was reading everything else on the screen to me and this is one of the biggest things (it’s 1/3 the width of the screen!). Somehow she was able to locate the very small, not so noticeable, log in link. So, I have her click on that.

I was really puzzled that she needed to be prompted to go to the user name box then be told to type in her username (common sense ???) then to put the cursor in the password field, then again told to type in her password (what the fuck???? your ass don’t know that you gotta type it in yourself???). After 5 min of her exclaming things and it sounded like she was getting it in there we figure out she can’t find the password and doesn’t remember it. I reset it. Again repeat everything.

She at this point finally says that she has no idea what she is doing. She isn’t clicking on the right thing. She is clicking on register and not log in. I told her to click log in 3 times. WTF!?!?! I told her to get help from someone that is familiar with websites and how to log into them and ended the call.

[End Rant]

European Cars

A-Train — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 00:19:48 +0000

[I work for an economy auto shop.]

My shop keeps getting morons who spend a shitload of money for european cars. They seem very suprised when we tell them that we don’t carry the filters that they need, nor the special tires that they require, or the tools needed to fix a damn thing for their overpriced codpiece, and that they have to go to the dealer for every little thing. If you’re going to be a cheap shit and bring your car to our economy shop, get a Toyota. If you buy a BMW or an Audi, you better expect to pay out your ass.