Taken at an Alabama grocery store…
I weep… I weep
What the hell
What the bell is wrong with people. Who thinks that Macing other shoppers is a good black friday strategy. It’s getting to the point where these frenzied sales are beginning to put other people in danger. I can’t wait for a major retailer to get sued big time by an injured customer or former employee.
An Open Letter to Idiot Customers Everywhere
Dear Customers: Now that the holidays are upon us, you may find yourselves frustrated and angry during your shopping trips, and you feel that it is our duty to stand there and be dumped on by you because you have the money. Here are some important things to remember: THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG: Whoever …
What the Hell Was That Loud Bang
A women came in today for an oil change with this . . . . . . and yes that is a massive hole in the bell housing of a Jeep transmission. Dumbass
Butthole with a Duelly
The other night, I was working overtime and was in the last hour of a 13 hour day. Things had slowed down so I was thinking “hey I may be able to relax and have a nice drive home tonight.” Just then I heard a diesel engine and then this Dodge Ram pickup with duel …
Dec
31
Humanity Is Doomed
Nov
27
What the hell
What the bell is wrong with people. Who thinks that Macing other shoppers is a good black friday strategy. It’s getting to the point where these frenzied sales are beginning to put other people in danger. I can’t wait for a major retailer to get sued big time by an injured customer or former employee.
Nov
17
An Open Letter to Idiot Customers Everywhere
Dear Customers:
Now that the holidays are upon us, you may find yourselves frustrated and angry during your shopping trips, and you feel that it is our duty to stand there and be dumped on by you because you have the money. Here are some important things to remember:
THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG: Whoever said “the customer is always right” never had to deal with the retards of today. Anytime a customer has an issue with a price or a policy is because they can’t be bothered to read all the signs all over the store. I am not giving a 90% discount because the customer can’t read a label nor am I going to allow you to return something on day 91 or later.
SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YOUR MAMA: Spare us the sob story. So what if you are late picking up your kids because the lines are long/price checks/supervisor overrides, etc. We don’t care. Leave earlier, and if it’s pissing you off, it isn’t our fault. We would rather not have to deal with your stupid ass. We are not liable for anything other than what we have direct control over. Good luck trying to sue us because your house flooded while you were waiting in line (some schmuck actually tried to claim this).
WE ARE HUMAN TOO: Don’t expect good service if disrespect us. We work a crap job serving crap people for crappy pay. If you give us a hard time, we are not thinking “how can I improve this person’s experience,” we are thinking “give me something to kill you with . . . can you pick up a car and drop it on a person.” We have families too; do not come in on a holiday unless you absolutely need to. You can do without the oil change on thanksgiving, nor do you need to be hanging around right before we close. Get your crap and leave.
DON’T MESS WITH THE PERSON HANDLING YOUR FOOD: Watch the movie “Waiting.” You don’t see how your food is prepared, if you treat your server like crap, you will definitely get some “garlic salt” added, or have Mexican mixed with continental. If there is a problem with your meal, be polite and tip well.
Keep these points in mind and we’ll get along fine.
Sincerely
All Fed Up Service Employees
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Jun
27
What the Hell Was That Loud Bang
A women came in today for an oil change with this . . .
BANG!
. . . and yes that is a massive hole in the bell housing of a Jeep transmission.
Dumbass
This post has no tag
Jun
23
Butthole with a Duelly
The other night, I was working overtime and was in the last hour of a 13 hour day. Things had slowed down so I was thinking “hey I may be able to relax and have a nice drive home tonight.”
Just then I heard a diesel engine and then this Dodge Ram pickup with duel rear wheels pulls up. This Russian guy jumps out and starts talking to me about his tires. After a minute I figured out that he wanted me to rotate his rear tires because he had uneven treadwear. I had to explain to him several times that we’d rotate the tires and check the air pressures because that could be the source of most of his problems.
I figured this would not be as difficult as having to do a full rotate and balance on all 6 wheels, I told him that it would be about 45 mins. He then told me that he had a Blow-and-Go (which is a breathalyzer that you have to pass before you can start the vehicle). That’s when I thought “crap, I’m not going home anytime soon.” Anytime some dumbass comes in with those things, they take off in the store and we can’t find them to start their f@#*ing car.
I pulled the vehicle in and got it lifted and started pulling off the rear wheels, and then the inner wheels wouldn’t come off. The hubs had rusted to the point where the steel wheels fused to the hubs. Half an hour later and a crap load of pounding with a sledge hammer, they came off and I figured ” hey now I can finish up and get this jerk out of here. Nope, wasn’t going to happen.
The guy came out and asked me if he should get his front tires rebalanced to eliminate vibration. I told him that it would probably take care of it, so he decides right then that he wants his front tires balanced. F#*& me, now you want me to mess with the front tires, and I have to track down the UPC to add an additional service to the work order. Luckily my supervisor came back so he helped me with the balancing.
I finally get the truck back together and guess what, the ass f$*& who had been standing over me while I work has now disappeared, right when we need his stupid ass to start the f@#*ing thing. He finally shows up, we get it started and I do the final torque. I see the end in sight and then the damn hubcaps won’t go back on. I get fed up with them and go to find someone to take over and then my lovely coworkers close all the doors and lock the customer entrance while I was still out there. After banging on the door an nearly going on a rampage, I finally got out 40 minutes after I was supposed to leave.
Jun
14
A Tight Fit
An old guy came in today and wanted 4 new tires. He handed me a quote that he got the day before for 17 inch tires. I looked and his door and guess what, HE HAS 18 INCH RIMS. After explaining to him that while he was quoted for 17 inch tires I could not install said tires on rims that were bigger. To make things even more annoying, he had an odd ball tire size so we didn’t have the damn things to begin with. He asked me if we can get some in and I told him we don’t stock that size and that he’d have to go onto the website and order them. He seemed puzzled by this concept so he asks me if I could go online for him. I told him that because he had to enter his personal information and his credit card that we could not do it on the store’s network terminal, (and I just didn’t want him crashing our outdated browser). He asked for the tech that gave him the quote and when I found the tech and was asking him about the tire quote, the old coot then goes to the moron at the from desk and begins asking about the same crap I’m trying to figure out for him. So now I have a dumbass asking me the same questions over and over again and a dips@*t coworker telling him the same information I just gave. Turns out that the old fart didn’t have a clue what his tire size was so the tech had to search for the tire size by the information of the vehicle. He had larger wheels installed as a dealer option so the vehicle’s info didn’t do crap. I hope that this bumbling idiot finds what he needs before I whack him with a 17 inch tire.
Jun
09
We Are Back!
After a weak attempt by The Man to shut this constitutionally protected forum down, I took over Idiot Customers, and now it’s back under INDEPENDENT ownership. This site was started as a forum to vent, rant and slam the stupid idiots that make your life a living hell. Open it up and get it off your chest (before you go on a rampage and make the news) and have some fun at someone else’s expense. Share Your Story!
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Jan
18
I Wish It Would Rain Down…
This guy slams a box on the customer service counter and starts screaming at me. He says the damn thing doesn’t work and there are holes in his roof because of us. The guy then said if it rains we will be paying for the repairs to his house. He ranted for some time, repeating over and over again, that there are holes in his roof. Apparently he had bought a satellite system, went home, installed it on his roof and then proceeded to uninstall it claiming it doesn’t work. After listening to the jerk go on forever about how we supposedly sold him defective merchandise, he finally stopped screaming long enough for me to speak. I asked, “Did you call to sign up for services?” He responded, “What do you mean sign up for services?” I proceeded to take a very large piece of paper out of the box he brought with him. Across the top in big red letters it says, “Before installation please call to activate services at 1-800-….” I pointed to the words. He looked at it in dead silence, picked up his box and walked back out the door. Secretly I was wishing it would rain.
Tags: Customer Service, Retail
Jan
14
One-Eyed Fat Man
I used to work at a discount clothing store that was notorious for attracting a less than savory demographic. We were the first store in the franchise to be in a shopping mall, and like most department stores in malls, we had two entrances; one on the outside of the building and another that went to the area where the rest of the stores were. Midway through the day, this fat bastard with an eye-patch walked in through the mall entrance with his disgusting wife. As far as I could tell she was a mute, most likely caused by too many beatings with an ugly stick.
Eventually she found a crappy glass statue of a dolphin in our home décor department, and her husband decided to treat her to an anniversary gift by paying for it. After waddling his ass to the outside entrance, he tracks me down to the center of the store, and with arrogant tone asked, “Why ain’t there registers at the outside doors?”
In an attempt to cheer them up, I jokingly responded, “Because we were gonna take care of that issue today, but I left my blueprints for the new registers on the kitchen table when I left this morning.” Needless to say, they weren’t amused, but given that I was the store’s most experienced associate and the fact that my boss was pretty cool about it, if a customer verbally pushed me, I usually could get away with pushing back.
“I ain’t walking all the way to the back of the store to pay!” the man exclaimed as he drooled on his greasy undershirt.
“Well, what would you like me to do to solve this problem?” I chuckled, “Carry you? You’re at the center of the store. I’m no mathematician, but I think it’d be just as easy to walk up and pay as it would to walk out.”
He took a moment for that to process. “What are you an idiot or something? I gots ‘ta go all the way up there, pay, and then walk all the way back to the other door!”
I smiled. “I realize that, sir. But I assumed you weren’t parked out there since you came in through the mall entrance.”
“Know what?! …HERE!” The one-eyed man grabbed the dolphin from his wife and shoved it into my hands. “I’m handicapped! I don’t need this!” He stormed back to the mall entrance with his silent wife following behind.
“I didn’t know being an asshole was a handicap,” I responded. They were only a short distance away and heard me.
“What did you say?!” They stopped and sneered back at me.
I just smiled and waved. “I said have a nice day!” Meanwhile, my boss was watching the whole thing from a few feet behind me, silently laughing his ass off. Sometimes retail can be a lot of fun.
Tags: cdrummer41, Retail, Sales Associate
Nov
12
No It’s Magic
An old man came into the store one day yelling about his remote control being broken. He complained that he had to drive 50 miles to get to our store so we can replace the remote. I took the remote from him and went to our testing device. It would detect any infrared signal coming from the remote. Nothing was detected. The asshole old man starts in on me how it is defective and we need to replace it. I asked him how long he has had the TV and he said about a year. I proceeded to pop open the battery cover pop out the batteries and then popped in a new set of AA batteries. I pointed the remote at the detector again. What do you know there is a signal now. I walk over to the old coot and say, “It just needed a new set of batteries.” His response was amazing, “That thing takes batteries?!” No, it’s magic you stupid old man!
Tags: Customer Service, Retail