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Somewhere in Colorado | Cable Company | Tech Support Guy calls in to get help with his cable. States that its broken and we need to get out to fix it. I ask him a few times about the remote he is using. He insisted it was the right one. So we go to his other tv to check it out. That one is broke to. So we do the customary troubleshooting and that turns out to be broke. So we go to the “big tv” Its big because it has HD. So we work with it trying to get it to change channels on the tv itself. So i tell him to Push channel up and down on the tv itself. The same tv that we needed the remote for. We got to the part we were changing the channels and we were able to do that. We get to channel 4 and hes on the wrong setting. We need cable not antenna. So I tell him to press the menu button. No menu comes up. He then states the remote is the wrong one. WTF took you 20 minutes to figure that out?!?!? he looked at the name on the remote and relized that it didnt match the name of the TV. SO we get the right one. He tired to fit AA batteries in a AAA remote. DUH! Holy shit if they dont fit then you would think they werent the right batteries for that remote. I sent out a tech to help him out after an hour of being on the phone.
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Caller: I want to know why I do not get channels “a, b, and c” anymore.
Me: I am sorry you are not receiving channels “a,b, and c” anymore but you are not signed up for them and have never been signed up to get those channels. You must have been receiving them in error. If you would like to get these…(cuts me off)
Caller: So, you take away some channels and still are charging me the same price. This is ridiculous. Are you going to lower my price since you took away some of my channels.
Me: Sir, the channels that you are not getting you were not suppose to have had in the first place. You were never paying for them and were not suppose to be getting them. We did not take away any channels, you are no longer getting channels that you were not suppose to have to begin with because you were never paying for them.
Caller: He says something indiscernible and hangs up.
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I was at Walgreens the other day and the lady in front of me was a true Idiot customer. She gets up to the counter and asks for her prescriptions. The pharmacy employee starts hunting up the prescriptions and is having a hard time finding one. After a few minutes of the employee looking all over for this prescription another pharmacy worker asks her what she is looking for. Come to find out it was a medicine that goes in the refrigerator. The idiot customer says, “Oh, yeah they always keep it in the refrigerator. I have to keep it in there at home too.” Strike 1, idiot. Why didn’t she say something? The employee was looking all over right in front of her and there is no refrigerator there. Finally, all of the idiot’s prescriptions have been found. Now the customer proceeds to start hunting for her check book in her oversized purse. After around 5 minutes she finds her check book and fills out the check. Couldn’t have had the checkbook found and written, except for the amount, while she was waiting for her prescriptions? Strike 2, idiot. Strike 3, the idiot had to hunt for her ID because it was a temporary check and that took her another 2-3 minutes longer. Then she had to check the amount and where she was about three or four times. Why is it that people don’t get their crap ready while they’re waiting in line?! Wait, they’re idiots!
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[When I was a teenager I worked for a movie theater as a projectionist.]
One late Saturday night, with packed theaters, we suddenly could smell a strange odor that was getting stronger by the minute. Since we could not identify it we called the fire department. They said to evacuate the theaters immediately, don’t turn on any light switches and be careful to not cause any sparks because it is probably natural gas.
I turn off the sound to the first theater and announce to the crowd that there is an emergency and they need to exit the theater in an orderly fashion right away. I had to yell several times to get them out of their seats. It was the same story in every theater. No sound but yet you couldn’t tear them away from the movie yelling there is an emergency! Not just a few people. Each theater held about 300 customers! Yes, so many idiots, in one location, at the same time with no clue.
The fire department did show up and sure enough it was a natural gas leak in the store next to the theater and was at very dangerous levels by the time they arrived. Too bad, it could have been a lot of dead idiots.
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[I work for a cable company]
Caller: I am tired of you people showing the same shit all the time. I am going to have to change companies if you do not do anything about it.
Me: (Cable Company) does not choose the programming. That is decided by the networks.
Caller: Well, if you don’t do something to change what is on then I will just have to go elsewhere. (Cable Channel) shows the same shows over and over again. Do I have to go to (Other cable company name)?
Me: Miss, the same shows are on the channel no matter what cable company you have. What is on (Cable Channel) with us is the same shows that are on (Cable Channel) if you had (Other cable company).
Caller: Obviously you are not taking me serious. I will have to call (Other Cable Company) and sign up with them so I can watch something new for a change.
Me: Even if you get service through them it will be the same exact programming.
Caller: I don’t think so, I had them years ago and they had better programming! (Click)
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[I work for a cable internet and phone company.]
A customer calls in about an issue with not being able to pay her bill online. She has done this online before but forgot where to go. I gave her the web site where to go and she comes back to me all confused as to what I just gave her. Our web site is such that a 2nd grader could spell it. I had to slowly spell it out. Okay we finally got to the web site in 5 min. Wow record time?
She insisted that she is already logged in so I tell her were to go. Ten min later we figure out she is not logged in. She couldn’t see the box that says LOG IN. Really not hard to miss since she was reading everything else on the screen to me and this is one of the biggest things (it’s 1/3 the width of the screen!). Somehow she was able to locate the very small, not so noticeable, log in link. So, I have her click on that.
I was really puzzled that she needed to be prompted to go to the user name box then be told to type in her username (common sense ???) then to put the cursor in the password field, then again told to type in her password (what the fuck???? your ass don’t know that you gotta type it in yourself???). After 5 min of her exclaming things and it sounded like she was getting it in there we figure out she can’t find the password and doesn’t remember it. I reset it. Again repeat everything.
She at this point finally says that she has no idea what she is doing. She isn’t clicking on the right thing. She is clicking on register and not log in. I told her to click log in 3 times. WTF!?!?! I told her to get help from someone that is familiar with websites and how to log into them and ended the call.
[End Rant]
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[I work for an economy auto shop.]
My shop keeps getting morons who spend a shitload of money for european cars. They seem very suprised when we tell them that we don’t carry the filters that they need, nor the special tires that they require, or the tools needed to fix a damn thing for their overpriced codpiece, and that they have to go to the dealer for every little thing. If you’re going to be a cheap shit and bring your car to our economy shop, get a Toyota. If you buy a BMW or an Audi, you better expect to pay out your ass.
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[I work in a shopping center where there are multiple stores, an arts and crafts store, a hardware store, and a sporting goods store(where I work).]
Today a man came into our sporting goods store and asked me if we would accept his coupon (for 40% off bouquets at the crafts store) I explained to him that, no, we would not, because his coupon was for 40% off bouquets at the crafts store…”oh” he says, then his next question is to ask me where our rakes and trashcans are, I respond, “Sir, you must be thinking of the hardware store next door…we are a sporting goods store…” He responds…”oh”…and then walks out. The saddest part of this story was that he was probably the politest and least idiotic customer I had all day…
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[I worked for the largest phone company in the US at one point. The VP just "came out" which really ticked off alot of southern folks.]
Most of my calls were hate calls. Some told me I was going to burn in hell. Others just told me how they were going to kill all the Black, Asian, Jews, and gays that worked for the company. We had to read word for word the script on the PC, which was in DOS format I might add. All calls were auto outbound sales, and I hated this job.
One of my callers told me how her family were all in the klan, and they were going to find us and burn our building down. Then God was going to kill us because we were living in Sin.
I got upset and asked her if God was not the God of love.
She said God does not love sinners, so I said I thought Jesus spoke to sinners and said to love the person not the sin. She told me God was going to burn the building…
I then confirmed her address, her fathers and brothers address and her SSN.
With that she promptly hung up the phone. (Gotta love idiots who have no idea where you live, yet you have all the information on them)
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[I work for a cable provider]
Caller: I want to know were the free movies on video on demand are.
Me: You have our lowest package so there are no free movies unless you are to upgrade. This will allow you to get unlimited Starz on Demand for about 750 movies to choose from.
Caller: That is not right. I should not have to upgrade to get free movies. I have cable with video on demand so I should have free movies!
Me: You can get some free movies if you upgrade to out next package for only $10 more per month. This would also increase your number of channels to over 200.
Caller: $2.99 a movie is crazy when I can go to the rental store and rent one for that price. Especially for an old movie. I will just go to the rental store to rent a movie! There is no reason I should have to pay for a movie if I have cable!
Me: If that works better for you than ordering through your cable box that is OK. Anything else that I may help with today?
Caller: (Says something that is inaudible & hangs up.)
[So, she will rent a movie from the rental store, but not through the cable box?]
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